Moving Forward

So I've finally decided to move from out of the shadows of obscurity into the blinding light of reality. I know that a blog post is long overdue but to be honest I wasn't ready just yet. For the past 3 months that I've been back I've really taken an analytical look at my life as a whole and where i want to be. I've had such an amazing time catching up with my family and my friends. I spent the end of May, June and the middle of July living back home with my parents and two siblings in Albuquerque. That in itself was an adjustment. I did eventually make it back to Houston, a city that I am falling in love with all over again. In the month that I've been here I've gone to the Houston International Jazz Festival, my first Astros game, and saw Corinne Bailey Rae in concert. I feel honored and privileged to live in a city that allows me such access to arts, sports, and whatever else tickles my  fancy. Besides that I've gotten to spend time with so many people that I love. So alls well... well enough anyway.  
I don't like to complain but.... if i did have any complaints it would be 2. 1st one is I wish my goals were moving a little faster than they currently are. Even though i will say majority of that is my fault. I didn't properly plan my "after France" plans so well but in my defense it was because i wasn't sure where i wanted to go at that point.  Funny thing is i was thinking about teaching when i was in France but when the 9 months was up I realized that teaching is not something i want to do at all. What i want to do is work in an International climate helping people. Thus making me come to the conclusion that i want to work for an NGO, become a International Policy Analyst or manage a non-profit organization. All of which require some form of graduate studies. So without hesitation I'm taking the GRE and grad school is in the cards for me next year Insha'Allah (God willing). I guess my impatience can be contributed to the fact that i turned *gulp* 26 this July. I think it's just scary for me because I felt some sense of failure because I thought my life would be at a different place. I guess you're suppose to think that at 26 you'll be married, with a child or two, at the pinnacle of some great career and become a certifiable adult. But i don't have any of those things.... YET. This article came out in the New York Times called "What is it with 20-Somethings?"  more or less claiming that 20 somethings of this generation are stalling and putting off adulthood in order to find themselves. It's funny because i never really thought about it like that. I never, and quite frankly, still don't think I'm putting off adulthood. I just think my definition of adulthood is different from that of my parents. I've had a lot of min i setbacks that delayed me from this, that and the other but really who's life am I suppose to model myself after?  God gave us each an individual life so we could make the best decisions  based on our own judgment. I can only hope I'm making the right choices. So in the meantime i plan to do loads of volunteering, start taking classes at the Alliance Francaise, and save some money for my grad school endeavors. 
Which brings me to my next complaint: I miss France, so much it physically hurts. Which ties into grad school. I've been heavily researching ways in which i can study in France next year. I'm looking into schools in Lyon, Paris and Montpeillier. I'm also looking into grants and fellowships there so I'm not giving up on another year in France..... :-) So there you have it. Life's a roller-coaster and I'm just trying not to fall off. I hope you stick with me through my journey. stay tuned :-)


Bisous,
Hali

In the pursuit of Happiness

January 25, 2010

I promised to update you on my move, so here goes: I moved in with an English professor from my Lycee (High School) in Orange. She has two kids, a girl "L" who is 14 and a boy "T" who is 10. Her husband works at a different Lycee. It's been two weeks and things couldn't be better. Not once have i felt out of place or like i wasn't part of the family. In fact it's safe to say that I've fallen in love with them. We do a lot of things together, like watch movies/t.v. shows, play wii, and discuss various culture differences between the United States and France. Yesterday i discussed the death penalty, yes we tackle the heavy hitting subjects ;-) Since everything we do is in French I've really had to concentrate and hone my French skills. I cannot tell you how much of a difference this is making. I feel like I'm finally getting the French experience that i was looking for.

In terms of the program all is well except i have been having a sudden case of anxiety lately. It may be that there is something about working with teenagers and working in a high school that magically transports you back to adolescence. Lately, I've been thinking about my future and what's next for me and just like in high school I'm obsessing. Except this time it's not over what college I'm going to get into or who's going to ask me to Homecoming but what "real" job will i get, do i want to live in France for awhile, and when will i meet the one?.... It's all so overwhelming and unlike when i was in high school, i can't just say "i'm only 15" because apparently at 25 you're suppose to have all the answers.... or maybe that's just me stressing again.

Though i can't pinpoint the source, the fact is I've been thinking about that big distant (maybe not so distant) darkness called the future and I'm shaking in my boots. I have the option of renewing this program. It's not a guarantee it's a mere request to be "considered" for the assistant post next year. I've decided that I'm going to try this again and cross my fingers that they renew me. Because the truth is I've never been happier. I know that for every reason that i love living in France someone could give me 10 for why they hate it but that's just it, though inexplicable, it's a country that has truly moved me. and I'm not done with it yet.... Don't worry i haven't decided to make a career out of being an English assistant. I have actually recently made the decision to enroll in graduate school. There are still some kinks to work out. I need to narrow it down to which Master's program i would like, which universities i should apply to (and where.... maybe France ;-) ), cost, and of course that pesky GRE exam. The last of which i plan to study for while I'm here in France and take the exam in the summer when i return to the states. So 4 months later all i can say is France has changed my life in ways i could never imagine. I don't know what this means for the future but all i know is I'm very grateful for the experience. I'm eager to see what the next 4 months will bring.

ok that's enough reflecting, NOW on to relaxation. In two weeks i have another 2 weeks of vacation :-) I'll be going to Geneva, Budapest, Munich, and Zurich with some really good friends. I'm so excited! they'll be a blog post with pictures to follow.


Bisous,
HK